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Copyright, 1912 
By Alice Hubbard 



CONTENTS 

fobeword 7 

Romance 13 

The Revelation . . . .19 

Facts 21 

An Awakening 25 

The Natural Marriage . . .29 
The Social Marriage . • .83 
The Marriage of Convenience . 37 

Conclusion 39 

The Business of Marriage . . 41 
Primitive Bondage . . , .45 
Nature's Method . . . .49 

Economic Freedom . . . .53 

Citizens ...... 55 

Enforced Dependence . . .63 
Homogeneity ..... 71 

Romance 75 



FOREWORD 

yiVARRIAGE is a subject of inter- 
5^*^ est to all adults, and at one 
time in almost every life it is the 
vision that fills the horizon. 
To many it is a mirage. 
To a few it proves to be the hills 
from whence cometh their strength. 
The rising sun of romance tips 
every blade of grass, every leaf and 
flower and twig, with the mystery 
and miracle of color and perfume. 
The noonday light reveals truth 
that the half-light of the dawn 
could not show. 

And evening twilight garners all 
the richness of marriage. 
The purpose of this book is to 
enlighten by bringing into the light 
of day experiences that must come 
into the lives of women and men. 

— Alice Hubbard. 



The Myth in Marriage 



There is a time in every 
man's education when 
he arrives at the con- 
viction that he must 
take himself for better, 
for worse, as his por- 
tion; that though the 
wide universe is full of 
good, no kernel of nour- 
ishing com can come to 
him but through his toil 
bestowed on that plot 
of ground which is given 
to him to till. — Emerson, 



ROMANCE 

The object of love expands and grows 
before us to eternity^ until it includes all 
that is lovely, and we become all that can 
love. — Thoreau. 

ARRIAGE, although a 
most common incident 
in life, is understood as 
little as is birth, life 
and death. People are 
perpetually ignorant on 
the subject, and insist upon remain- 
ing in this state until the veil of 
their temple is rent in twain, and 
their holy of holies has daylight 
thrown upon it. 

Love is a sacred mystery whose 
secret is as yet locked away from 
mortals. We recognize a few of its 
manifestations and dream of its 
power. We connect it in our thoughts 
with marriage and birth, but we 
assume its presence : we do not 
bring proof. 

Love is spirit, and can not be ana- 
lyzed nor understood. 




14 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



The most that man can apprehend 
of it is to know its absence or its 
presence. Its most refined manifes- 
tations have come to us with the 
development of intellect. 
There are only a few examples of 
the manifestation of great love in 
history. So rare are the people 
capable of its expression that the 
whole world wonders and in awe 
has said that the Creator is Love. 
QAnd lovers have been set apart 
as belonging to the Great Mystery 
and revered in degree as is the 
Source of Love. 

One of the phases of this manifes- 
tation in people is the desire to give. 
The lover withholds nothing from 
his beloved. There is one desire — 
to give all. Thus is the mind 
expanded until it reaches truth 
never before seen. 
Love is the enlightener of the soul. 
It is the all-seeing eye that dis- 
covers the highest possibilities in 
man. Its eternal desire is to fulfil 
these. 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 15 



" I can do no ill, because I could 
not meet the beloved on terms of 
equality if there were any stain upon 
my soul. My hands and my heart 
must be clean." 

Love's .longing is to be entirely 
whole, clean and strong. 
Love would never deceive. It is 
kindred only to truth and good. 
^ All of life is sacred to the lover, 
and all life is sacred to him. 
The lover is not so anxious that the 
beloved shall be perfect, as that she 
herself, he himself, shall be without 
blemish. Love purifies the lover. 
Love makes the lover clean. 
There is no such thing as unrequited 
love, for to have loved is all the 
compensation there is. The soul asks 
no more. 

There is a sublime dignity in love — a 
majesty that suggests unlimited 
power. 

To love is an individual experience. 
The object of the love is only the 
means to this end of awakening 
and purification. 



16 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



When the lover asks aught from 
the beloved, he has descended from 
the spiritual estate and begins to 
haggle and barter. Then it is not 
love, but becomes something to buy 
and sell with. 

Love radiates from the individual, 
as rays of light from its source. 
^ When the lover wants to continue 
the ecstacy of the experience of 
unselfishness, prolong the forgetful- 
ness of his sordid self, he does what ? 
Just the opposite of what will secure 
for him this Nirvana ! He begins to 
demand. He asks her to be forever 
near him, she asks him to forever 
stay, all in faith, believing that 
the soul-awakener is a person, when 
the person has only reminded the 
soul of an ideal. For a time this 
person keeps this ideal living before 
the soul of the lover. 
Elbert Hubbard says, " I love you 
because you love the things I love." 
There is a trinity in love. Lovers 
make the soul to see a similar ideal 
which both love. 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 17 



So long as each asks nothing from 
the other, makes no demand, this 
ideal may continue to come before 
the mind, and remain there while 
the person is present, and return 
at the thought of the beloved. 



THE REVELATION 



The 
A 



he gay enchantment was undone^ 
gentle wife, hut fairy none. —Err 



Emerson. 



HE ecstacy of feeling 
the presence of the 
ideal may continue for 
many meetings and 
partings, until the lov- 
ers believe that each is 
responsible for the beautiful ideal 
that is theirs. 

They arrange to live permanently 
in each other's presence. 
But this living together has induced 
a thousand conditions that had 
nothing whatever to do with the 
ecstacy of the soul. 
Young people do not realize how 
much economics has to do with 
e very-day living until they are face 
to face with e very-day life. 
Earning money, the drudgery in 
housework, the personal habits of 
the individuals, intimate tastes and 
prejudices, are all foreign to the 



20 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



awakening of ideals in the soul. 
The beloved, who was once an 
angel, becomes a wife, a weaver, 
a worker, a plain human being, 
subject to the shortcomings and 
ignorance that other human beings 
have. 

And the lover, who is also beloved, 
becomes a husband, an earner of 
money, in competition with other 
workers, subject to irritation, weari- 
ness, discouragements, human fail- 
ings. 

The human qualities, the frailties 
and shortcomings, do not inspire 
the soul to high ideals. And each 
looks across the impassable gulf 
of the breakfast-table and wonders 
why they " introduced into their 
lives a spy." 

" Where is the ideal I was to dwell 
with?" 

" Where is the ideal that was to 
abide with me? " 

Their souls are wrenched in anguish. 





FACTS 

You must stand up straight and put a 
name upon your actions. — Stevenson. 

IE business in marriage 
requires commonsense 
about ninety-nine per 
cent. 

There is usually less 
romance in marriage 
than in any other relationship of 
life. 

But the general idea concerning 
marriage is that it is all or nearly 
all romance. 

There is no other business partner- 
ship so intimate and complex as 
that in marriage. 

And this partnership is entered into, 
the legal papers are drawn, wit- 
nesses to the transaction are called, 
and a life agreement is made without 
thought, discussion or an agreement 
concerning the business part of this 
partnership. 

Emphasis has been placed only upon 



22 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



the love, the part of the contract 
which mortals can not control. 
The business part of this contract 
holds the destinies of the contracting 
parties as no other partnership can. 
Husband and wife can ruin each 
other's fortunes utterly. No out- 
sider can do this. 
We would consider two men ridicu- 
lous who entered into a business 
partnership, discussing with each 
other only the pleasure they antici- 
pated in seeing each other so con- 
stantly as they would, working side 
by side each day. 
Imagine one partner saying to the 
other, With all my worldly goods 
I thee endow," and slipping upon 
his finger a little gold ring. Then 
for the duration of this partnership, 
the privileged partner giving to him 
who wears the ring what he is 
inclined, varying as the joy in each 
other's presence waxes or wanes. 
The idea is silly. 

And yet a man and a woman may 
contract to live together, giving 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 23 



little serious thought to the busi- 
ness part of such living, until they 
find that mortals can not live on 
romance, and that the joy of their 
lives has flown away. 
Ecstacy continued, burns up life, 
and is not intended except for 
inspiration. 

Love may continue with marriage, 
and it may not. Civilization has 
drifted us into conditions where it 
is difficult for romance to continue 
after the lovers enter into the busi- 
ness of life together. 
Marriage is of universal interest. 
The weal or woe of the race is 
involved in it. 

It is a natural incident in the lives 
of lovers; but the marriage of 
lovers, although an incident in love, 
becomes an event in their lives 
because of the business partnership, 
which phase they did not contem- 
plate. 

The primal purpose in the marriage 
of lovers is that they may be per- 
petually purified, that they may 



24 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



live constantly their best. To do 
this they must have the Ideal 
forever before them. 
When the business part of marriage 
shows another " side " of their 
natures, the Ideal may take wings. 
Then they naturally feel they are 
cheated. Their first impulse is to 
run away from this " trouble/' to 
get back to the Ideal before it has 
been effaced. 



^^^^^^^ 



AN AWAKENING 

Love, indeed, is light f rom heaven; 
A spark of that immortal fire by Allah 
given, — Byron. 

HE expressions, " fall- 
ing in love," and " ma- 
king love," are terms 
suggesting something 
that is impossible. 
No one falls in love. 
The experience of loving may come 
when a person has evolved where 
fine perceptions are possible. All 
living is an awakening process in 
which there are many degrees of 
consciousness. At a certain stage 
in his evolution, a human being is 
able to see and feel certain truth. 
^ The imagination is a power which 
is developed with intellect and fine 
feeling. The imagination can create 
a world and people it. In this 
way, ideals are perpetually made. 
Humanity's effort to realize ideals 
is evolution. 




26 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



When man can image a human 
being that fulfils the highest ideal 
he can create, the soul rejoices. 
Man forgets the imperfect in his 
ecstacy when contemplating the 
perfect. And when one human 
being sees another human being 
who reminds him, more or less, 
of his ideal, he is said to love. 
He does not " fall " nor " make," 
he realizes, he awakens, and some- 
times re-creates. 

It may often occur that the person 
who awakens one to this ideal may 
recall this ideal once, twice, again 
and yet again. Or this person may 
constantly recall it, or cease alto- 
gether to recall it. 
That man and woman are lovers 
who constantly keep before each 
other the Ideal. 

They wish to abide together, be- 
cause together they live their best 
lives, do their best work, are most 
kind to their fellow-man, do no 
wrong, can do no wrong. This is 
commonly accepted today as the 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 27 



basis of marriage. It is this ideal 
which is vaguely or definitely in the 
minds of thinking people when they 
wish to marry. 

The poet Dante had a wonderful, 
complete ideal. He saw but twice 
the woman who reminded him of 
his Perfect. He wrote in poetry of 
his Ideal and called Her by this 
woman's name. 

His wife, the mother of his children, 
was another woman. 
Many critics say that Dante's love 
for Beatrice was pure. Probably 
they say this, because he asked 
nothing of her. That he never knew 
Beatrice was fortunate, for the two 
people had very Httle in common. 
Dante was a poet and dreamer. 
Beatrice was a woman of the nobility 
without serious cares and responsi- 
bilities. 




THE 

NATURAL MARRIAGE 

Cell seeks affinity ivith cell. — Reedy, 

HEN young people 
meet on a natural basis 
our present civilization 
insists that it must 
! necessarily be followed 
I by a permanent, life- 
long friendship or disgrace. 
The cosmic urge causes a meeting 
which, if followed by an enforced 
close relationship, usually has in- 
compatibility as a sequence. 
Nature has one thing forever in 
mind. Civilization has not counted 
on this. 

A youth and a maiden meet when 
passion is strong, the will undisci- 
plined and , judgment undeveloped. 
Convention says there is but one 
thing to do when young people are 
thus strongly attracted to each 
other, and that is to get the sanction 
of society (church and state) and 



30 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



make arrangements for a perma- 
nent intimacy. 

The youth expects the perpetual 
beauty, smile and charm of the 
ballroom, reception or parlor. The 
maiden expects protestation of love, 
and her ideals and promises ful- 
filled. 

Each has firmly fixed in the mind 
an idea of something that has none 
or little of the real in it — an idea 
that is impossible. Yet in it there 
are hope and fond desire somewhere 
hinted. 

The facts are that a struggle has 
just begun with some of the unpoetic 
realities of existence, of which 
neither has ever before dreamed. 
^ Perhaps the wife must rise early, 
prepare the breakfast, keep the 
rooms in order. This is work. 
The husband goes to business. 
Business perplexes. 
" Oh, she is just like other women ! " 
" Oh, he is just a common man ! " 
They complain. 

The cosmic urge has nothing to do 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 81 



with any of this. It has come — and 
gone, perhaps. 

There is left a social situation. 
These two young people have had 
something in common, and possibly 
only a transitory something. 
How shall they live together when 
she loves what he hates, and he has 
hopes, ambitions, desires that are 
nothing to her.^^ 

" He has cheated me ! " She has 
fooled me ! " is their heart-cry. 
The truth, however, is something 
like this : " We have been deceived. 
Nature said one thing to us, and 
we confused with it something else 
and thought what society said was 
true. We have been deceived." 
There was nothing in the first 
attraction that made these two 
understand anything about hard- 
ships, disagreeable duties, discom- 
forts, weariness, pain. 
Those who are anxious to uphold 
church authority are saying a good 
deal about the divorce evil. They 
bring statistics to show that one 



32 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



out of every twelve marriages 
results in divorce. 
They have not, however, secured 
any statistics as to whether the 
people in the other eleven mar- 
riages enjoy what our Constitution 
affirms to be the rights of American 
citizens : life, liberty and the pur- 
suit of happiness. 

The Church is talking about a 
cure " for the divorce evil ! One 
bishop earnestly recommends the 
Jewish anathematization, " Let 
neither party ever be spoken to 
again." But how would this remedy 
the social condition of the two? 
^ This is punishment, but not cure. 
The cause of the trouble is not even 
looked for by the bishop. 
" Is marriage a failure ? " According 
to the divorce-courts it is. 
The Church concedes that one- 
twelfth of all marriages are failures. 




THE SOCIAL MARRIAGE 

/ am not surprised that some make ship- 
wreck, but that any come to port. 

— Stevenson. 

SOCIAL marriage is 
based on the idea of a 
high and lofty friend- 
ship, an indissoluble 
partnership, an inti- 
macy of relationship 
unknown in any other phase of 
existence. 

Such a marriage was not intended 
by Nature. A new element is intro- 
duced when a social marriage oc- 
curs of which Nature had no thought, 
and we should reckon with this, not 
without it. 

This new element is the intellect. 
Nature does not recognize it in the 
cosmic urge.. So the meeting of 
man and woman on an intellectual 
plane, on a basis of the sweetest 
friendship imaginable, is the only 
condition by which Nature can 




34 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



endure the social marriage tie — 
which so often binds, imprisons, 
and makes slaves. 
Even at this time man considers 
that he owns a woman; that he 
has purchased her freedom, her 
will, her habits, her aspirations, 
her time, her love, her energies, 
her future, every activity of her 
life. She is in very truth under a 
master. And the woman, as well, 
usually considers this true. 
The woman thinks, because she is 
owned, that there are certain rights 
connected with her husband which 
she also has. In the majority of 
cases the wife realizes her inferior 
strength when might makes right, 
and the husband is not trusted. 
He must give an account of himself, 
morning, noon and night; of his 
money, his letters, his attentions. 
^ The woman has certain laws 
which she, too, tries to enforce. He 
must support her, with all that the 
term implies. 

" Did n't he promise to do this on 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 85 



the wedding-day ? Certainly, yes ! 
So far as I know, humanity is one 
in its nature, and neither male nor 
female. No woman naturally wants 
to be owned and possessed. Human- 
ity rebels against tyranny ; and there 
are more discord, more heartaches, 
more wrangling, more unhappiness 
among married people than among 
the unmarried. 

Were it possible for men and women 
when they marry to realize that 
they own nothing more in " rights " 
after marriage than they did before, 
and would make no more demands 
upon each other, marriage even 
with its present accepted meaning 
would not be a failure. 
The import of marriage, as it is 
understood today, is on the basis 
of intellectual friendship, a business 
partnership, mutuality in all inter- 
ests of life. Few people know this. 

We have mixed methods. Nature 
makes no compulsory laws in this 
matter of living together. 
Society has done this. The laws 



36 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



man makes, man must enforce. But 
what God hath joined together, no 
man can put asunder. What God 
hath not joined together, man is 
not very successful in combining. 
We have demonetized woman, ta- 
king away from her the natural 
strength, courage and independence 
that belong to the mother ; made of 
her a slave, under which condition 
she does not thrive. 
And neither does man thrive in 
being master, for the chain that 
holds the one is fastened to the 
wrist of the other. 

Woman must make herself econom- 
ically free, find work that exercises 
her body and her mind, and most 
of the cause of discord, unrest and 
unhappiness will have disappeared. 




THE MARRIAGE OF 
CONVENIENCE 



Its only end is the principle of existence. 

— Disraeli, 



EOPLE who marry 
without ideals entering 
in as part of the con- 
tract have few disap- 
pointments or troubles. 
fl[ If the woman expects 
the man simply to provide shelter, 
food, raiment, and the man expects 
a good cook, housekeeper and valet, 
and each fulfils his part of the 
expectation, there are few other 
demands. 

Tenderness, kindness, attentions are 
asked for very moderately, and 
good service brings its own reward. 
Each understands the situation and 
has accepted this business arrange- 
ment with marriage. So there is no 
disappointment, no heartache. They 
get out of their marriage all they 
had expected. They are not guilty 



88 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



of experiment and folly. They have 
their quota of commonsense — and 
use it. Their ideals are simple and 
easily attained. 



CONCLUSION 



We iwo have climbed together. 

Maybe we shall go on yet, side by side. 

OVERS who marry 
think more of the Ideal 
than of all else. And 
if or when the Ideal 
ceases to remain in the 
presence of the husband 
or the wife, then love is gone. In 
its place sorrow sits. 



Whatever marriage may have been 
in the past, it has now two distinct 
phases which should be definitely 
understood by all people. 

I. The business partnership. 

II. The spiritual relation. 




THE 

BUSINESS OF MARRIAGE 

You are dealing with something far more 
precious than any plant — the priceless 
soul of a child. — Burbank 

IE civic recognition of 
! marriage does not take 
I direct cognizance of the 
J Ideal, or love-phase, of 
this unilateral contract, 
I although it assumes 
that love is the motive of the union. 
The state takes it for granted that 
the purpose of this union is to 
perpetuate the race, give to the 
state citizens. The permanence of 
the marriage is supposed to be 
desirable, because the physical sup- 
port and welfare of wife and children 
rest with the husband, unless he 
become insane, sick or criminal. 
Then Charity gives the pauperi- 
zing support of a tyrant. Desirable 
citizens are seldom evolved in " In- 
stitutions." 



42 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



Occasionally, a mother is endowed 
with power to maintain her family 
alone ; but the instances are few. 
In marriage the state obtains the 
promise of the contracting parties 
to love, honor and cherish ; to love, 
honor and obey, through sickness, 
through health, until death. 
However, the state is able to enforce 
but one portion of the promise, to 
cherish," which, being interpreted, 
means that the husband must con- 
tribute a certain portion of his 
income to the woman, provided she 
has not broken the letter of the law 
in one respect, and has not deserted 
nor flagrantly quarreled with her 
husband. If she has been acquies- 
cent, she is still to be cherished." 
This alimony, as such tax is some- 
times termed, is required whether 
the wife is mother or not, or is 
engaged in educating citizens or 
not. It may be exacted — the letter 
of the law — although the intent of 
the marriage may not have been 
fulfilled. 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 43 



Tacitly, the state recognizes the 
desirability of love in marriage, 
although it has no jurisdiction over 
it, and can not enforce the keeping 
of this promise by husband or wife. 
^ Loving or not loving is not within 
the control of mortals. 
It is admitted now by men and 
women that the laws of all countries 
of the world were made by men for 
men. They do not discriminate 
against women so seriously and so 
unjustly as did Moses, but the civil 
laws give wife and mother no chance 
for independence. 

Until recently, the promise to obey 
has been enforced; also, the wife's 
promise to be true to one man and 
none other. So we have had the 
prayer which is international: 
" Make our women virtuous and 
our men brave," the meaning of 
brave being, able to fight man and 
beast. 

" Virtue " has been interpreted as 
being a negation, an indifference to 
all but husband. 



44 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



Nothing that can transpire in wed- 
lock is considered not virtuous. 

liberty! liberty! how many 
crimes are committed in thy name ! " 
^ Woman has found submission 
easier than to assert and obtain the 
human right of independence in the 
control of her own mind and body. 
^ " It is a hard world for girls," 
said Martin Luther, five hundred 
years ago. 

It is still a hard world for girls and 
women. 

Nature is said to love the female 
more than the male, for she serves 
Her more devotedly, and Nature 
has taken care that she shall. 



^^^^^^^ 



PRIMITIVE BONDAGE 

Woman pays the first cost on human life 
— Schreiner 

HEN a woman feels the 
first grip of her child's 
dependence upon her, 
she has forever lost 
her freedom. If the 
child dies, a grave 
shackles her soul through life. If 
the child lives, the welfare of that 
child keeps perpetually between 
her and the sun. 

Before her babe is born. Nature has 
absorbed the mother's strength and 
charm that Her one purpose may 
be accomplished. Man finds it easy 
to neglect woman then. In fact, 
his honor, pride, fear and loyalty 
to a principle, one or all, are his 
safeguard and the mentor that 
holds him to duty when his wife is 
absorbed by motherhood. 
Nature demands all from the 




46 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



mother. She takes possession and 
uses her so that the woman has no 
will for the time. She is Nature's, 
body and soul, " Used by an unseen 
Power for an unknown end." 
Does a woman enter into this 
prison-house voluntarily ? 
Never. 

Nature blindfolds and lures her 
into it. 

Before civilization developed a hec- 
tic super-sentiment in woman, she 
lived as do the animals. Naturally, 
motherhood was an incident in 
her life. Her children early became 
independent, and she had a com- 
fortable, healthy indifference to 
their welfare after they were able 
to get a living. 

All the time she was a mother she 
was economically free. She had had 
the strength to take care of herself 
from childhood, and when her child 
came, she was able to care for both. 
^ The father of her baby made no 
demands upon her for service as 
cook, housekeeper, laundress, valet. 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 47 



lover or friend. He took care of 
himself wholly, and so did she. All 
they wanted was food and shelter. 
^ But since man's needs are multi- 
ple, the demands upon male and 
female are great. 



NATURE'S METHOD 



The more intimately we attach ourselves 
to Nature, the more she glows with beauty 
and returns us our affection. — Froebel. 



AlTURE does not seem 
to have expected man 
to get more than a 
primitive living. She 
has not changed Her 
methods at all. 
Man has changed. He makes and 
directs machinery that earns for 
one man what fifty men can earn ; 
so that one man is fiifty times richer 
than a primitive man. 
Nature uses no machinery. 
It takes more than twenty years of 
the mother's time to develop one 
citizen. There are no short cuts nor 
quick methods in woman's special 
work. 

The mother of a large family has 
given twenty-five of the best years 
of her life to the work which none 
but her can do. 



50 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



She has given to the state citizens. 
Q This has cost her all her strength, 
all her time and the ambitions of a 
quarter of a century. 
As our present civilization is, she 
has given her economic independ- 
ence, her individual ambitions. 
She pays dearly for the privilege 
of being mother to citizens. She is 
dependent upon one man for the 
maintenance of both herself and 
her children. 



^i^HE man, too, is blindfolded by 
Nature and is led where he 
knows not. 

The desire to give all of his earn- 
ings to the development of citizens 
may never have been his. He may 
not know nor care about the welfare 
and perpetuation of the state. 
But Nature has not bound him 
hand and foot to Her plans. When, 
or if, his aflFection ceases for this 
woman who is dependent upon 
him for food, shelter and clothing. 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 51 



he may use his own judgment 
about the woman's and the chil- 
dren's needs. So long as they escape 
the attention of the Humane Socie- 
ties, the family is at his mercy. 
The woman and her work are 
dependent upon him just the same. 
*5I Unwilling money buys poor food, 
clothing and teaching. It has evolved 
bargain-days and cheap goods. 



ECONOMIC FREEDOM 




She consider eth afield and huyeth it. With 
the fruit of her hands she planteth a 
vineyard. — Solomon. 

pE wisdom of states- 
I women and of states- 
men should evolve a 
sure foundation-fund, 
J whereby mothers shall 
"^iHhave a solid financial 
basis for doing woman's work. 
Civilization has placed a ban upon 
motherhood. There is ever the 
stigma upon it which Moses placed 
there. It is hard, cruelly hard, to be 
a mother in the United States, 
this " land of the free." 
We anathematize and practically 
kill a mother who has not conformed 
to our laws, irrespective of what 
Nature has said about it. We take 
her child from her, hide it, falsify 
about it, and then disown the 
mother if she demands the inherent 
rights of a mother. 



54 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



We talk about the glory of mother- 
hood, but we do not act to the 
glory of motherhood. 
The business of marriage is to 
develop citizens. The financial part 
of this partnership should receive 
the most careful attention of all 
people who are to marry. They 
should realize that they are assu- 
ming responsibilities great and un- 
known to them. They are leaving 
a simple life to enter into one 
vastly more complex. 
Woman is fast evolving a brain. 
And women are thinking. Brain, 
not sentiment, will be the directing 
power under which women live. 
Wisdom and judgment will guide 
them. They will not give the best 
in their lives to the work of rear- 
ing children, without reasonable, 
business assurance of funds with 
which to do their work. 




CITIZENS 

It is true thai I am an alien. 

But my son — my son is Themistocles. 

— Euterpe, 

CITIZEN is one who 
has evolved from a 
condition where he was 
content to live alone, 
care for himself alone, 
into a state where he 
desires to live with others, and is 
interested in the welfare of others. 
^ Women were the first human 
beings to qualify as citizens. 
Their care for their children early 
extended their interest beyond their 
own welfare. From protecting and 
providing for her immediate family, 
the mother's interests naturally 
extended first to all children and 
then to all human beings who were 
in need of care. 

Women are potential mothers, and 
so are inherent citizens. 




56 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



Women are citizens by natural 
tendency. 

Men are citizens by education. 
The desire to co-operate is the 
natural desire of an evolving, sane 
people. Supremely selfish people, 
who care not at all for others, are 
either barbaric or insane. 
A city was the result of the citizen 
instinct. 

The mother's brain was evolved 
through her desire to benefit her 
children. She then saw that what 
was good for her own was good 
for her neighbor's family, and for 
all families. All manufactories, all 
industries, reforms and civic im- 
provements have originated in 
woman's brain, evolved because of 
the mother-instinct of love. 
From the city, human interest 
extended into the state, from the 
state into the nation. From the 
limitation of belonging to a nation, 
we shall sometime become citizens 
of the world. 

A stateswoman or statesman is one 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 57 



who is intelligently active in work 
that materially benefits the citizens 
of a state or nation. 
The rights of citizenship naturally 
belong to all people who wish to 
and can contribute to the welfare 
of their fellow-man. 
Formerly, statesmen were business- 
men of experience and ability who 
had prescience. They could see 
what was beneficial to their own 
interests, and from this their interest 
expanded, and they saw what was 
good for the well-being of many 
men. They were men, like Benjamin 
Franklin, who were able to project 
themselves into the lives of others. 
They were the first monists. 
Statesmen had had experience — 
they had lived. They knew values, 
what served and what was not 
desirable. They also knew that no 
one reaches any goal alone. No 
man can progress much faster than 
the rest of his kind. 
So the statesman was a representa- 
tive man, but a pioneer in progress. 



58 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



His avocation was to work for his 
kind. His vocation was his own 
business, which he minded very 
carefully. 

Appreciative people saw the benefit 
to others, and gave the statesman 
the recognition of honors. This was 
all he desired or needed. He was 
not a pauper, he was not submerged 
in financial diflficulties.The oppressed 
can not see beyond their own needs 
— are incapable of generous thoughts 
or wise judgment. 

Statesmen were and are strong, 
successful men. People want for a 
savior one who can first save him- 
se]i. 

There came a time when states- 
men, like lawyers, received pay for 
services rendered. 
And lo, politicians and grafters, 
plums and taxes ! 
Today, statesmen are few and are 
classed as politicians. 
All political offices have a little 
twig of laurel tied to the door, but 
the pay-envelope inside is generally 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 59 



what lures men to enter and abide. 
" The laborer is worthy of his 
hire," they aflfirm. And he is, pro- 
vided he labors for the thing for 
which he was hired. 
" The people " are willing to pay 
politicians for piecework, provided 
the quality is right. 
When we say, " Children are the 
greatest asset of the nation," every- 
body nods assent to the sentiment, 
and many applaud. 
" What we do with the children 
decides what they will do with the 
nation," we add, and there is never 
a dissenting look or voice. 
We aflfirm that the greatest work 
the state can do is to develop 
citizens. Perpetuity of the state is 
synonymous with perpetuity of the 
race. This is supposed to be Nature's 
dearest desire — to perpetuate the 
race. 

So it should be the dearest desire 
of statesmen, politicians, to perpet- 
uate the state, and the state is the 
aggregation of its citizens. 



60 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



We are in a dense fog with regard 

to the value of citizens. 

We say that man is all. This is 

lip-service. 

Politicians are interested in acquir- 
ing and holding power, in war 
appliances and armies. They give 
some assistance in the develop- 
ment and care of vegetables, fruits, 
trees, and the flora in general. They 
are also interested in the develop- 
ment of all domesticated animals, 
the preservation of the birds, forests 
and natural parks, the protection of 
the fish. They have game-laws 
which are wise and whose results 
are beneficial. 

And the state hires and pays people 
to take care of all these interests. 
It also hires and pays people who 
see that the laws are respected 
which have been made for the pro- 
tection and perpetuity of flora and 
fauna. 

But as yet, lawmakers, politicians, 
reformers, and influential citizens 
have not made provision for the 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 61 



development of citizens, except as 
the institution of the school system 
assists in this work. 



ENFORCED 
DEPENDENCE 



Thou givest man bread. Lei my aim be to 
give man himself, — Froebel. 

HERE was a time 
when women, like 
statesmen, were eco- 
nomically free. They 
spun and wove, man- 
ufactured, planted, 
harvested, cooked. Land was cheap 
and needs were few. The women 
gave a part of their time to the 
state in rearing citizens, but they 
did not give all. They were self- 
supporting, in great measure ; there- 
fore, self-respecting and capable. 
But women lost their economic 
independence when industries were 
taken from the home. 
Farming, dairying, spinning, weav- 
ing, tailoring, laundering, baking, 
dressmaking, millinery, building, 
carpentering, are all done on a big 
scale, outside of the home, where 




C4 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



the women, because they were 
mothers, could not follow their 
industries. 

Women are left with the dependent 
occupations of working for the state 
and working for their husbands, for 
neither of which can they collect 
money. 

Husbands' policy is: Where the 
treasury is, there will the wives* 
hearts be also. 

The welfare of the women who give 
their time — twenty-four hours of 
the day, and for twenty-five or 
thirty years of their lives, their 
prime — for the development of citi- 
zens has been left to chance. 
The state has made no provision 
whereby potential citizens shall be 
assured of the proper care. 
The mother's time has been con- 
sidered of no value; that is, her 
service is not paid for in money. 
If, in her youth, a woman married 
a man who was able to make money, 
she might be assured of food, cloth- 
ing and shelter for her children 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 65 



unless or until Fortune frowned 
and the property was lost. 
Any woman, whose husband dies, 
gives her time to the care of her 
children, no matter how poorly 
equipped she may be to earn a 
living for them in the world. She 
tries to do her own work, and 
besides that, what her husband 
did — maintain the family. 
The state has made no provision 
for the care of potential citizens 
whose father has died, thereby 
cutting oflf the income which was 
once theirs. 

We say that the purpose of the 
home is to develop children, that 
the home is established for children. 
^ The purpose of the school is to 
supplement the teaching of the 
home, and this is to be re-enforced 
by the influence of the church. The 
office of the state is to wisely pro- 
tect the home and safeguard the 
interests of its citizens. The govern- 
ment is the mentor of the citizens. 
^ The theory is admitted that the 



66 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



business world is organized and 
operated for the one purpose of 
maintaining the home and its 
adjuncts — school, church and gov- 
ernment. But the fact is, that, 
except for the taxes which great 
business institutions pay, there are 
very few children taken care of 
directly by big businesses. 
The very rich have one, possibly 
two, rarely three children, and 
these, instead of being developed 
for working citizens, often evolve 
into ornaments, and sometimes be- 
come a nuisance and an expense to 
the state. 

The mothers who give their time 
to the care of large families have 
no regular incomes. Their husbands 
are poor, and contribute to the 
development of citizens what they 
can, or will. 

The people who are doing the most 
important work for the state, for 
whom all business is operated (as 
tradition sayeth), have no capital, 
and are carrying on their more or 



THE MYTH IN MAKRIAGE 67 



less great work by donations, given 
at the discretion of the donor. They 
can not receive more than their 
husband's income, and never have 
that amount. 

No matter how eflScient these 
women may be as mothers, there is 
no recognition of this excellence, 
except by a few friends of the 
family. 

Nothing has been done to make a 
large family popular. The trend of 
the whole course of civilization has 
been and is to do anything but 
evolve citizens. 

Of course, women are supposed to 
be too spiritually minded to want 
compensation in money for work 
done for love. 

However, is any great work done 
that is not done for love of the work ? 
No one writes, paints, plays, builds, 
prints, binds books, models in 
leather or clay, raises cattle, fruits, 
grains, but him who loves his work. 
There is little response in any part 
of life, other than to love. 



68 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



All workers accept the .world's 
custom of using money as a medium 
of exchange for their time and 
energy — all except mothers and 
wives. So much service is given for 
so much money, and so much 
money for so much service. 
Women are human beings, no more 
and no less than are men. They are 
just as human as men. They love 
freedom, independence and justice. 

There is no natural reason why 
they should not have public recog- 
nition for work and development. 
The custom of the world is to use 
money as a medium of exchange or 
as a representation of wealth. 
Wealth is an accumulation of energy 
held in reserve. People should be 
very careful to use this reserve 
advantageously. They are very jeal- 
ous of expending time and energy 
unless it counts in wealth. 
All people but mothers do this. 
This is why motherhood has become 
unpopular and a burden. The mother 
is in economics a pauper, a depend- 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 69 



ent, at the mercy or bounty of one 
man, 

^ The first use of a home was to 
care for children, to protect them. 
Women built the first houses and 
for this one purpose. 
Modern houses are made for adults 
more than for children. They are 
places of luxury. The thought of a 
nursery is seldom in the minds of 
the makers of houses. The architect 
does not have for his recurring 
theme, " How will this add to the 
development of citizens ? 
Women are human beings. They 
are very much like men. They need 
recognition. 

Self-preservation is the first law. 
And women, like men, are selfish. 
They often stifle the instincts of 
Nature in one direction that they 
may live in the world as it is today. 
^ Rapid travel, the opportunity to 
see and know what there is to be seen 
and known, lures women just the 
same as it does men. Independence is 
just as dear to women as it is to men. 



HOMOGENEITY 



What we request of life is thai the tools 
should be given to his hand or hers who 
can handle them.—Schreiner. 



■ 



OMAN is a human 
being before she is a 
mother and all the 
time she is a mother. 
And after her active 
work of motherhood 
is finished, she will still be a human 
being, subject to all the ambitions, 
hopes, desires and interests that 
humanity has. 

Daughters have inherited tenden- 
cies from their fathers as well as 
from their mothers, and all daugh- 
ters have done this from prehistoric 
times to the present. Sons have 
belonged to mothers as well as to 
fathers. The race is one. 
Women can not be limited in the 
expression of this great miracle of 
life which stirs her soul, as it stirs 
man's. 



72 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



Woman and man are awakening, 
brain and heart. 

Woman must have freedom to 
work, to think, to find happiness, 
to express herself. She must be 
accepted as a part of every part of 
this becoming Democracy. She must 
be accepted in the world as it is 
today. She belongs, not to the 
past, but to this present. 
There is work that she alone can 
do, and to do this she must be 
economically free. 

The freedom of woman is the most 
important of all subjects that states- 
men and citizens can consider. 
Pay mothers for the work they do 
for the state. Give them the oppor- 
tunity for economic freedom, that 
they may be self-respecting, and 
develop on equal terms with men. 
The great need of the world is 
for better women and men — an 
evolving race. 

There is just one way: we must 

have evolving mothers. 

Servile mothers have slave sons 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 73 



and stupid daughters, and some- 
times criminal children. 
Women must be free to choose their 
occupations. 

If they marry, they must recognize 
the business in marriage and enter 
into the business partnership with 
true intelligence. 

With no less intelligence must men 
understand that the contract in 
marriage can not be unilateral and 
bring benefit or happiness to either 
person, nor can the purpose of 
marriage be best accomphshed. 
Democracy in marriage is the Great 
Imperative. We would have a demo- 
cratic form of government? De- 
mocracy must begin at the founda- 
tion of all government — the home. 



ROMANCE 



We are ministered unto by the moonhmms 
and the starlight as well as by the god of day, 

OMANCE is the color 
and the perfume of 
life. It is that which 
gives charm to living. 
Romance lures us to 
live. It called us into 
being, has bound us to life, and 
does not desert us at its close. 
Although Romance is the most 
intangible thing in the world, the 
moonshine of living, it is the most 
real. 

It is the will-o*-the-wisp that has 
led to all invasions, all discoveries, 
all victories, all heroism, all inven- 
tions, all arts, all business, all 
human endeavor. Without it there 
would be no marriage. The human 
race would cease to be. 
One of the myths in marriage is 
to assume that the Romance is 




76 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



all, or will continue under all con- 
ditions. 

Business belongs to the realm of 
fact and deals with tangible sub- 
stances. It has to do with the 
practical part of life. It gives us 
food, clothing, shelter. It furnishes 
us great problems, exercise for 
body and mind. It is a great factor 
in the evolution of man. 
One of the myths in marriage is to 
assume that business and business 
struggles do not enter into the 
lives of lovers. The fact is that 
business occupies much of the 
time of every honest man and 
honest woman. It is necessary to 
life. Without work, romance would 
cease, the human race would die. 
The ideal and the real are interde- 
pendent in all phases of human life. 
^ In marriage there is a myth that 
the twain are one flesh. But the 
two are two, just as surely as one 
and one make two, unless neither 
is worth counting. 
It might not be such folly for a 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 77 



woman to trust her happiness to 
a man, if any man could make any 
woman happy. But happiness is 
within the power of the individual 
alone. Nature intended it to be so. 
^ If a woman were an incompetent, 
unable to earn or provide for her- 
self, it might be well to leave her 
finances wholly in the hands of her 
husband. 

But women who have the right to 
give children to society are capable 
of taking care of themselves and 
financing their personal interests. 
Mothers should be thus capable. 
In marriage we must recognize the 
individuality in the partnership, 
just as we must the romance and 
the facts. 

A helpless, dependent, undeveloped, 
sentimental woman is not an in- 
spirer of ideals. The man absorbed 
and involved in business is not an 
awakener or reminder of the Perfect. 
^ A little time is necessary for the 
appreciation of the beautiful, the 
charming, the wonderful in life. 



78 THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 



Leisure to think together and work 
together on things of mutual in- 
terest, is necessary to marriage, or 
there can be little love. 
When lovers are independently de- 
pendent upon each other, it is a 
wonderful privilege to meet. 
When lovers are economically free, 
as they were before marriage, there 
is no asking of favors nor demand- 
ing rights. 

When lovers are grateful for the 
privilege of being together, and 
meet only when it is a joy to do so, 
love will abide. 

And Romance, that lured them to 
life, and lighted their path to 
marriage, will ever illumine the 
way, even unto death. 
If a woman's desire is to seek ease 
and luxury, and find oblivion, let 
her not marry, for that is not the 
easiest way thither. A woman has 
neither natural nor moral right to 
involve others in her selfishness. 
If a man wants adoration, comfort, 
indulgence, cheap service and ease. 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 79 



let him not marry. He probably can 
get them all with more certainty 
and with less expense without 
marrying. A man has neither natural 
nor moral right to marry for these. 
^ Men and women have not evolved 
far. " It doth not yet appear what 
we shall be." 

Higher ideals will lure humanity 
on and on to a higher state of 
intelligence, and to better living, 
to a more refined and nobler justice 
than we have yet imagined. 
Men and women will not long be 
looking for ease, nor want to have 
what they do not earn. 
When love calls, they will respond 
with intelligence, knowing that this 
is Nature's voice, and therefore 
divine. They will rejoice in the most 
strenuous exercise of living. 
Then with deep joy we can say 
at the close : 

" To live is glorious. I have lived ! " 



THE MYTH IN MARRIAGE 
WRITTEN BY ALICE HUBBARD 
TITLE-PAGE, INITIALS AND 

ORNAMENTS ESPECIALLY 
DESIGNED FOR THIS BOOK 
BY RAYMOND NOTT 
TYPOGRAPHY BY 
A. V. INGHAM 




PRINTED BY THE ROYCROFTERS 
AT THE ROYCROFT SHOPS 
EAST AURORA, NEW YORK 
MAY, MCMXII 



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